If I’m being completely honest here, the concept of weaning my daughter from breastfeeding has been a bit of a struggle for me to grasp.
My daughter was placed on my chest as soon as she was pulled out of her womb. After my abdomen was stitched back together and we were in recovery it was encouraged that I started to have her latch.
These boobs and this milk have been a part of her life for 821 days. And all of a sudden– they’re gone. Except they’re not because she sees them right in front of her, on her favorite person's body, all day long.
I had no idea what breastfeeding really entailed or meant before giving birth and still wasn’t sure what I was doing even a few weeks after. It took about a month to really get the hang of it. To understand my boobs will start dripping when I hear my daughter cry, that she will nuzzle her head over me looking for the nipple to latch herself onto, that I would be sacrificing my own body for my daughter even beyond those nine months that she was growing inside of me.
The top question I was asked, even days into our breastfeeding journey, was “How long are you going to nurse her for?”
And I always had the same response whether it was a family member or a stranger asking.
I don't know.
My milk was producing and my daughter was being fed.
And then she started solids and my milk was producing and my daughter was finding comfort.
After 27 months, I finally needed to put myself first. It was time to sacrifice my daughter's biggest comfort for my own, and that was really hard for me.
This is something that she has known her whole life. I understand her frustration. For two years I’ve let my daughter nurse on demand. And then one day I just said “Nope, sorry, never mind!” How is that fair for her?
I think that’s why I’ve continued letting her nurse for so long. Breastfeeding is all she's known. She knows her comfort, her milk, the flavor, the fulfillment.
But I hit a breaking point. A touched out meltdown. For my own mental health it was time to be all done.
We are over the 48 hour mark since she’s last nursed. My boobs are full but they don’t hurt. Luna is sad but she’s still finding comfort in my cuddles. And she is eating SO much.
We had sleepless nights and meltdowns for the first 5 nights that I took away her night feed. But over the weekend when I took away everything something else happened. She didn't meltdown. She didn't fight me to sleep. She took a little extra time to get comfortable. She flipped and flopped and buried herself under a blanket, and a few seconds later she was asleep.
She slept from 8-11ish, woke up and just wanted to cuddle. I wrapped her into my arms and she instantly fell back to sleep. She woke up once or twice through out the night but only a few cuddles got her back to sleep. When she woke up in the morning she was frustrated but I got out of bed and brought her a banana and gave her some water. She calmed down right away.
I share our weaning journey because I know I’m not alone in this and I want you reading this to know neither are you.